Does Wine Make You Fat? and other Wine Related Jokes and Phrases
1. Question: Does Wine Make You Fat?
Answer: Wine
does not make you fat, it makes you LEAN... against tables, chairs, floors, the wall and ugly people!
We saw this joke at the London International Wine Fair yesterday and it gave us some inspiration to find some more jokes related to wine. We have collected a few of our favourite here. Enjoy!
2. Don’t drink and drive - you may spill your wine.
3. Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes. It's our job to stomp them, and then keep them in the dark until they mature. And hopefully they'll turn out to be something we would like to have dinner with.
4. Women are like
fine wines. They all start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind and then turn full-bodied with age until they go all sour and vinegary and give you a headache.
5. Money may not buy happiness, but it will buy wine.
6. Wine improves with age. The older I get, the more I like it.
7. I like to cook with wine. Sometimes I even put in the food.
8. WARNING!
A man entered his favorite restaurant and sat at his regular table. After looking around, he noticed a gorgeous woman sitting at a table nearby all alone. He motioned the waiter over and asked him to send their most expensive bottle of Merlot over to the woman,knowing that if she accepted the bottle, she would be his.The waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, "This is from the gentleman seated over there." indicating the sender. She regarded the wine coolly for a second,not looking at the man, and decided to send a reply note to the man.
The waiter, who was lingering for a response took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman. The note read: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank, and 7 inches in your pants".
After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to return this to the woman. It read: "For your information, I have a Ferrari Maranello, a BMW Z8, a Mercedes CL600 and a Porsche Turbo in my garage. There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you would I cut three inches off. Just send the bottle back."
9. The policeman signals to an car driver to pull over to the side of the road, due to the fact that he appears to be driving erratically. He says to the driver, "You appear to have been drinking!"
The driver answers, "No sir, I am just tired."
The policeman looks into the car and notices that the driver is a priest! He also notices that there is an empty bottle on the floor. He says to the driver, "What is, or should I say was in this bottle?
The driver answers, "Water!"
The policeman says, "It is not, it's wine!"
The driver looks up to the heavens and says, "Oh Lord, you have done it again!"
10. A woman and a man get into a car accident, and it's a bad one. Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them is hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, that's interesting. I'm a woman... Wow! Just look at our cars. There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days." The man replied," I agree with you completely; this must be a sign from God!" The woman continued, "And look at this - here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of Morgen David didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man shakes his head in agreement, opens it and takes a few big swigs from the bottle, then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man. The man asks, "Aren't you having any?" The woman replies, "No. I think I will just wait for the police..."
Our favourite is number 10!
Date posted: 19/05/2011
